Ask an idiot – archive 4

Date: October 22th 2002

From: Bnzzmoo

Question: Dear Nognogs,

The fans have been on my case again, and i’v been flooded with emails asking why i haven’t been given a position on the AAI page. Now, i’m not one to complain, but i thought you guys were running this site for entertainment and viewer satisfaction – how can these things exist without the BuzzMoo Factor?


Well, Buzzmoo, you see, I had the now-defunct ‘Dear Manboy’ colomn at TFM. Elroy, without knowledge of that particular section of the website came to me with the idea for AAI. So I offered my hand. You have done nothing except make silly sounding mp3s on your computer.
Yes Buzz, while making silly noises would usually qualify you as an idiot, your tender age works against you in this particular instance. However I’m sure we can offer you some sort of internship or some such – we are always in need of some one to get us black coffee and extra crunchy, peanut butter sandwiches when answering AAI correspondence!
I could do with a coffee right now, in an EOL mug!!! You lack the appropriate credentials, Buzz. I mean, it’s Mert who does all the actual work at He’s the funny guy. Although I’m hesitant to call you the ‘straight guy’
Everyone Simon, EVERYONE can do with a coffee in an EOL mug! But I digress – Buzz’s attempts to join the AAI ranks shouldn’t be dismissed so readily, at least not by us… so lets invite a special guest to do it! (For nothing if not to highlight the fact that Buzzmoo’s request is being mocked!)

Ladies, Gentlemen and all others. please welcome Vanilla ice!… Now, this orta clear everything up!

Download, Buzz the site that moo’s
You’re killing my brain like a poisonous mushroom
deadly, where’s teh dope elroy
Anything like TFM is a felony
Love it or leave it, You better gain way
You better hit bull’s eye, The kid don’t play
If there was a problem, Yo, I’ll solve it
Check out the hook while DJ Buzzmoo revolves it….

Word to your mother…..

Date: October 22th 2002

From: Bob

Question: What is the purpose of a crotchless thong? And why are they so expensive?

I can see right away that you’re a man of great intellect and curiosity Bob – a kindred spirit indeed. But honestly I really have to blow off your first question… because it’s really a case of “There isn’t a purpose” It’s a bit like asking “What’s the hole in a donut for?” – however your second question has a simple answer, which may surprise you… Because women are conditioned to pay a fortune for any under garment in existence!
You mean to tell me there’s such a thing as a crotchless thong?? Oh, I have not yet lived!!
Yes Simon, I suspect that there is a whole spectrum of women’s undergarments that you are yet to make any form of contact with… in particular the sort with an actual woman in them!
Shut up, I have too!
Oh! touche!”

Date: October 22th 2002

From: Sarah Williams.

Question: Hi

I visited, and noticed that you’re not listed on some search engines! I think we can offer you a service which can help you increase traffic and the number of visitors to your website. I would like to introduce you to We offer a unique technology that will submit your website to over 300,000 search engines and directories every month.

You’ll be surprised by the low cost, and by how effective this website promotion method can be.

To find out more about TrafficMagnet and the cost for submitting your website to over 300,000 search engines and directories, visit

I would love to hear from you.

Hiya Sarah. The service you are offering interests me, but I’d imagine it’d interest Elroy more, as he owns this site – you’re offering Elroy help with getting more traffic? Well, Elroy’s the one to ask to begin with – have you submitted EOL to any search engines?
Actually Simon – I did submit the site to some (free ones) a while back. I feel it’s important to get the word of this fine service out to as many people as we can… There are plenty of people out there who can use the help of idiots such as ourselves… Sarah’s proposal is indeed interesting and if I wasn’t such a tight arse then I may take her up on it!
Well, I personally didnt sumbit TFM to any search engines, but I’ve noticed that it has already popped up on a few anyway. I didn’t know there was over 300,000 search engines to begin with. Wouldn’t 300,000, that no one actually uses anyway, be overkill?
I tend to agree with you there Simon – but to get right in and answer Sarah’s question – which I believe is really two questions: 1) can we promote your site? and 2) will you pay us to do so.

Well, in short: Yes and No – in that order!

I don’t think people who use anything other than Google diserve to use the Internet, let alone Ask An Idiot. And if Google fails, then God will guide them!