Ask an idiot – archive 2

Date: September 24rd 2002

From: Valick.

Question: Dear idiots,

Well I was washing the other day and I had a glass that I accidently put into this other MUG! And the freaking glass got STUCK perfectly in the MUG. Now I can’t get the damn thing out. I’ve tried oiling the damn thing. Put it in Hot water.

Wat’s your advice ohhhhhhhh godly ones?
I really liked that glass.

Tell me wat to do!!!!

Well Valick, I think that there are more important matters here that need to be addressed before we can go any further! I don’t know what your kinky game is mate but why in god’s name is it that you are bathing with crockery and oil is beyond me. Seeking counseling of some description may be the only solution for you – who knows after a few thousand sessions with the local shrink you may come out a useful member of society!
He hasn’t been bathing, you fool, he’s been *doing the washing*, ie washing the dishes – something that I know you’ve never done, but maybe you’ve seen it in movies?
Oh! It’s all clear to me now! Well, while my original advice still stands (re: getting counseling) I will now attempt to solve the condition from which Valick is suffering.
Despite Simon’s attempt to cast dispersions on my crockery cleanliness – the fact is that I am familiar with “glass stuck in mug” syndrome. The only solution is to place the offending mug in a pot of very hot water – then pour iced water into the glass – the heat expands the mug – while the cool water contracts the glass making separation a synch!
That’s a pretty good idea, Elroy. Failing that, Valick, if the mug was an EOL one, you could always just break it and buy a decent mug.
Breaking EOL merchandise makes baby jesus cry!

Date: September 24rd 2002

From: Jake M

Question: Where do babies come from?

The Isle of White!

Date: September 24rd 2002

From: Brett D

Question: Dear Simon and Elroy,

I have heard you have something like the famous “Dear Manboy” Furman Machine thingy… except shit – are these rumours true, and furthermore which URL do I *avoid* in my travels around the Intarweb?


ps. Your mothers say hello.

Hello Brett, nice of you to use up your entire vocabulary in your email to us. To answer your questions. No – what we are doing is nothing like the short lived, ill conceived, poorly executed and shabbily coded work that was ghost written under the name of manboy…. we have pretty pictures next to our words and there are two of us.
The most important URL on the internet to avoid is: as it is nothing more than a poor mans copy of
What are you talking about?? IS the poor man’s

by the way Brett, my mum says she wants her underwear back

No, is a poor mans – and both of them are better designed than

Oh and Brett – Mel asked me to give you a message – but I couldn’t understand it – what with her mouthful and all!

And another thing – We revived the Dear Manboy idea because there was nothing good at your “page of 1337nessworth copying… Page of 1337ness, eh? I’ve got some 1337 for you: yU0= F@gg0+!!!111
That showed him…