Latest Posts

Excerpts from Elroy’s online Dating Profile #3

I had pretty much forgotten that I was posting this stuff over here, mostly because apart from the odd interaction with possible scam accounts things have been pretty quiet over on my okcupid profile… and this section will go some way as to explaining why. I figure that I’ll just keep posting this stupidity here until I run out. There are probably another 3 sections worth of my ramblings that I can post, and given that this is already the third it’s maybe another indicator of why nobody can really be bothered reading it all… if only elroyonline.com visitors were as discerning:

The six things I could never do without:

They mean 6 things aside from Cheese, right?

Coffee is probably at the top of the list then.

My phone, it’s like an extension of myself now… Plus I’m much, MUCH smarter when I have a device which allows me access to the sum total of human knowledge in the palm of my hand. Which brings me to…

The internet! It’s all around us! LOOK THERE’S SOME RIGHT THERE!!! I’ve met some great people via this interconnected net of… net things, many of whom I consider to be some of my best friends. I do a lot of my work via it, I play games, I access entertainment, I research, YES FINE I SOMETIME LOOK AT THE PORN.

Apparently I can’t live without my caps lock key either.

Love. I couldn’t live without giving it, or feeling its warmth directed at me… And I’m not just saying that to distract from the porn thing! I believe that love is boundless and self-perpetuating… Or am I thinking of the internet again?

It’s also apparent that I’m very much in love with ellipses…

Finally, I couldn’t live without the undying belief that one day some unique set of everyday activities with result in my ability to time-travel. It could be tomorrow that sees me microwaving some left-over spaghetti, which I’ve forgotten to remove a fork from, during a thunder storm, just as an ageing Russian satellite, which employes an experimental power source, re-enters the earths atmosphere and burns up directly above our house, right at the moment that I’m struck by lightning, and the fork shorts out the microwave, blasting me with radiation — oh, and I’ve probably been walking around with socks on and have a little static energy built up too — and WHOOOSH! There you have it, I’m master of the time-stream! I’d know things before they happened, like important stuff… Not just like one of those arseholes who actually read the Game of Thrones books and won’t let you forget it. No, more like one of those arseholes who read The Walking Dead and only tells you when things are totally different from the comics. Actually, not like that at all. Whatever, this could all happen tomorrow, so… You know… That’s a good enough reason to get up in the morning.

I also like commas.

Share Button

2 Comments

    This was very good reading, thanks for sharing! I’m not finding anyone as hilarious as this in my online dating adventures. Mostly “Seeking women 18-39.” Like a wanted ad on Gumtree. Personally, semi colons are my fav.

  • Thanks Jo. The only thing I can imagine being wrong with your dating profile is your state of residence.