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Excerpts from Elroy’s online Dating Profile #2

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Excerpts from Elroy’s online Dating Profile #2

I installed a security plugin here on elroyonline after I spent a couple of days cleaning the script ridden code of a friend’s site after it was breached and turned into some kind of torrent hosting node… anyway, that plugin just alerted me to an attempted attack on this site, and also that some stuff needed updating. So, I figured while I’m logged in I may as well post another excerpt from my okcupid profile.

I’ve actually had a few ladies contact me since the last post and had some nice chats. Apparently OKcupid is very keen on me leaving the country, as it seems to think that my best chances of a great match are in Poland or the UK. I’m ok with this.

Anyway, here’s another lesson in how not to fill out an online dating profile:

The most private thing I’m willing to admit:

I have super sensitive nipples. They’re sometimes referred to as “the go buttons.” The more I think about it, the more I think maybe this information shouldn’t be allowed to fall into the wrong hands. Maybe I should invest in some of those missile trigger switch covers that you see in fighter jets. Or the kind of dual key system that they have for setting off nukes… hmmmm, but then I’d need to find two people I trust enough to be responsible with somewhat unfettered access to my papillae. This is just like how Clark Kent gave some Kryptonite to Bruce Wayne just in case Superman needed to be stopped at some point, only the exact opposite.

Also, I’m extremely suspicious of people who use this part of their profile to creatively (and some not so creatively) avoid saying something ‘private-ish’ about themselves. The worst ones are those who hide their deceit by saying something which is clearly not even remotely private-ish. ALL YOU’RE TELLING US IS THAT YOU HAVE SOME HIDEOUS SECRET: Like a prehensile tail or a third foot. Actually, a prehensile tail would be awesome! Hell, if I had one I’d be flaunting it all over the place. All those losers with non-hensile, post-hensile, pre-prehensile tails, or just a nub would be so envious!

Well, I guess I’ve just given you two private things about myself that I probably should have kept private now so the ball is in your court… See if you can catch it with that extra appendage that you think nobody has noticed.

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