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B-Movie: Komodo vs. Cobra

komodo vs cobraPigeon holes like ‘Straight to DVD’ and ‘Made for TV’ tend to give movies a bad name. Lets be completely fair, not all films that end up going straight to DVD suck, and not all ‘Made for TV’ movies make you wish that you didn’t own a TV at all. Sure, the going can be rough at times, but if you keep shovelling away for long enough you’ll eventually uncover buried treasure! But then there’s 2005’s Komodo vs. Cobra which is far more like hitting unexploded World War II ordnance with your shovel!

It’s seriously a case of false advertising! The misleading X that marked the spot where said ordnance was buried, is the name: Komodo vs. Cobra. That’s the booby trap right there people. Komodo vs. Cobra. I mean, why not just call the damn film “THE MOST AWESOME MOVIE EVER MADE” and be done with it? Komodo vs. Cobra!

The Komodo Dragon: The largest living lizard species, grows to an average of 2 to 3 metres and weighs about 70 kilograms. Verses the King Cobra, a snake which eats.. oh.. OTHER FRIGGIN SNAKES! It can grow to over 5 metres and is the largest venomous snake in the world.

Komodo vs. Cobra. It’s the ultimate battle! This movie cannot be anything short of awesome… can it?

A typically misguided group of environmentalists hires a cliché (Michael Paré) and his fishing boat to take them to an uncharted island, where it’s believed that the military is conducting some form of top secret experiments on animals. Tagging along on this “three hour tour” — yes, seriously — are a reporter (Jerri Manthey), her camera man (Rene Rivera) and the pop-singer girlfriend (Renee Talbert) of the moronically idealistic (Ryan McTavish) leader of the aforementioned environmentalists.

Rapidly, in fact before this team even makes it to the island, things are out of control. Their information is indeed correct and a military experiment has — as they invariably do — gone awry, resulting in the creation of a giant Komodo Dragon and a giant Cobra each of which inexplicably has the ability to multiply, despite being the only subject of said experiments.

When Eddie Wilson and the environmentalists arrive on the island they meet up with the soul surviving member (Michelle Borth) of the research team and soon realise that they not only have to survive against these giant creatures, but that the military will soon be using some fairly current ordnance to level the island.

Komodo vs. Cobra is the epitome of the modern b-movie. To be completely fair though, it only *just* misses the mark. Unfortunately it misses in just about all areas and, like a house of cards, it collapses in on itself. The writer / director Jim Wynorski’s script (even for a creature-feature) is just corny enough to give the actors little to work with, which in turn exacerbates their poor performances. There are times where you can actually see Paré rise above the script, but those moments are too fleeting, too few, and too overshadowed to count for much.

Too often Wynorski shoots the actors in such a way that even A-grade performers would have a hard time not looking foolish. There are one or two shots where the special effects are actually quite good, but the number that are just ridiculously bad lead me to believe that the few good ones were fluked.

It has to be said though, that for its obviously minimal budget, Komodo vs Cobra puts it all out there. I’d love to see what Jim Wynorski — who has over 70 odd films in his resume… sure some of them have titles like ‘The Witches of Breastwick’ and ‘The Breastford Wives’ — could do with a substantial budget and bit of help from an A-grade script doctor and cinematographer.

But as supportive as I want to be, let me tell you this much people. If there is only one thing that you ever learn from reading the ill-constructed text found here at elroyonline — other than the obvious “Reading elroyonline never taught me nothing” — make it this: If given the choice between dropping your pants and letting a ravenous Komodo Dragon and a famished King Cobra latch onto your junk or watching the movie Komodo vs. Cobra, remember that there’s always hope that modern science will be able to grow your junk back! [source]

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    Only one question… are there boobies?

  • That’s two questions. And the answer to both is: Unfortunately, no.

    Well, unless you count a couple of the environmentalists, but they’re complete boobs.

  • Sorry.
    Can’t have a decent b-grade without boobies. Either that or badly synced dubbing.

  • Agreed.