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Dracula: Vampires Usually Suck

Personally I’m not sure that I understand the fascination that the world seems to have with Vampires, or rather, with Vampire movies. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good bloodsucker-fest as much as the next guy, it’s just that the good ones are so few and far between. Vamp films must have the worst score rate of any movie genre, yet like a mindless horde of George A. Romero Zombies, they just seem to keep coming.

Be honest, even if you don’t class yourself as a Vampire movie fan.. heck, you don’t even need to class yourself as a horror movie fan to admit to getting just a little excited by the prospect of a good Vampire movie. Like I said, I don’t understand it, but there is an attraction to the mystique and mythology of Vampires. The problem is that, for whatever reason, people keep screwing about with that mythology. Every second Vamp flick has some craptastic new interpretation on vamp lore or an even more craptacular new Vampire/Werewolf/Angry Beaver hybrid. Ultimately these second rate films, some with first rate budgets, end up forgotten pretty quickly – which could explain why the very next stupid friggin Vampire related idea gets the greenlight. Well, brace yourself, because another two Vamp movies are currently in the pipelines and what’s really scary is that they both actually sound pretty promising.

Blue Tulip Productions and Atchity Entertainment are said to be prepping for a sequel to ‘Dracula’. There are a couple of things that make this film (titled Un Dead) pretty interesting. One is that it’s not intended to be a sequel to the Francis Ford Coppola flick from a few years back, but to the actual Bram Stoker novel. The other interesting thing is that the script has apparently gained the approval of the Stoker family. Now, you may think that this second point is no big deal. Surely them Stoker bastards have been raking in the cash from any boob who wants to slap a set of fangs in a movie, right? No actually, you cynical asshole, they haven’t! The script for Un Dead is actually the first to be given the Stoker’s blood soaked seal of approval in 75 years (If you answered: Bela Lugosi circa 1931, give yourself a puppy). Un Dead apparently picks up the Dracula story 25 years after the end of the novel.

The second bat morphing feature in the works heads in the opposite direction by being a prequel of sorts. Universal has laid claim to ‘Dracula Year Zero’, a script written by two guys that neither you nor I have ever heard of, Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless. DYZ apparently mixes traditional vamp lore with events from the life of Vlad III Basarab (better known as Vlad the Impaler) the alleged inspiration for Stoker’s novel. Evidently the script bills young Vlad as ‘a flawed hero in a tragic love story set in a dark age of magic and war’, which is exactly the way we should remember someone who is rumored to have feasted on bread, dipped in the blood of his enemies while surrounded by their empaled corpses. I can’t wait to see what these guys come up with next… The story of a merry leprechaun named Hitler maybe? [source]

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    Not really on topic, but my favourite Vampire story is a TV mini series called Ultraviolet. No gore, but lots of brain:


    IMHO, it doesn’t suck.

  • Cool
    Is this related to Ultraviolet, the Kurt Wimmer film (with Milla Jovovich)?


    Just looking over the two IMDB pages they don’t seem to have a whole lot in common.. other than the name.

  • Coincidence
    No, it’s not related, although it’s a weird coincidence.

    The TV series is called Ultraviolet because they worked out that Vampires hate UV light. Sunlight just has heaps of UV in it.

  • Neat, thanks for bringing the series to my attention dude – I’ll see if I can get hold of a copy of the DVDs.