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Children Are Vermin

Lately I’ve been sleeping really strange hours – in short naps – at odd times of the day. Why? Not just because I’m getting older by the minute… trust me, it’ll be a long time before I start pulling my pants up around my nipples and yelling at the neighbourhood kids to keep off our lawn.. erm..I mean, it’ll be a long time before I do that again.

Anyway, the reason I’ve been sleeping in weird patterns is because my eyesight is drawing ever closer to the end of it’s journey towards blindness (I’ll know when it gets there because I’ll bump into it and say “oh, excuse me madam!”)… Sadly this deterioration IS because I’m getting older by the minute!

What does the whole eyesight thing have to do with sleep? Well, as my eyes get worse I’m getting these rotten headaches and the only way to get rid of them is to sit in a dark corner somewhere or, even better, grab an hour or two’s “shut-eye”, which seems to either clear em up pretty good, or amplify the throbbing ten fold. It’s a risk worth taking as it’s about a 80/20 split that the headache will be gone when I come to.

Which brings me to the point of this post… I was taking one of these aforementioned restitution’s the other day when I had the freakiest night(nap)mare that I’ve had in quite some time.

In the napmare I woke to find myself in a destitute bathroom, something akin to the prominent set from the first “SAW” movie. I was a little bit freaked out by this, but really began to flip when scratching sounds began to emanate from the walls and ceiling of the bathroom.

SIDE NOTE: My dreams apparently have a full THX sound system as the audio during this portion of the dream was really quite impressive.

In any case, before the napmare could deteriorate into a grunge rock sequence with full orbiting camera work, the scratching became focused on a open doorway, which led off down a darkened hallway.

Just as I gained a sense of orientation, out of the darkness came two, wide eyed, staring, androgynous little children – not running, but moving rapidly, Like the film that my head was playing to me had been sped up and then edited back to normal speed when the children arrived in front of me.

For a moment or two, they stood there, staring at me, right until the distinct time that I made a (un)conscious decision to say something. At which point they interrupted me by saying “We love you” in that sing song horror movie voice that spooky children have in.. well, horror movies.

I believe that, under the circumstances, my reaction to these events can only be categorised as completely normal… I screamed – or rather, I tried to scream.. nothing came out, for some reason these children scared the living piss out of me. And clearly my body thought the same thing as it decided that it would jar me awake right at that point.

Suffice to say.. I still had a headache.

~ elroy

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    Yeahh… sorry about that man.

    Due to my complete lack of sleep over the last 72 hours I have been projecting thoughts into your head.

    That was one of my more creative ideas.

  • Well then…
    Try to think about Keira Knightley more in the future please Furious.

  • Why?

    Oh, yeah. Of course.