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Rogue Space Craft Joins Plot Against Us!

Hot on the heals of my warning to the free world of the danger of Mutated Zombie Satellites an article at reveals that those incompetent fools at NASA have let yet another, highly trained, well equipped, highly advanced satellite defect to join the dejected robot masses plotting against us from the icy void of space!

The $159 million Comet Nucleus Tour (CONTOUR) spacecraft was launched in july and held in a ‘sleeper’ orbit around the Earth (Where we live). It’s mission was to be one of exploration, NASA boffins planned to use the craft to take close looks at the comets Encke and Schwassmann-Wachmann. But alas this was not to be.

On August 15 one of the aforementioned NASA Boffins pushed the big red button marked “GO” and well… it did – CONTOUR defected to the other side! Shortly after firing it’s on board solid-propellent rocket motor CONTOUR severed all contact with it’s human masters and made contact with it’s space robot mutant zombie ‘brothers’ – such was confirmed by ground-based telescope equipment which spotted three objects fleeing from the satellites last known location.

CONTOUR project manager at the Johns Hopkins Applied Physics Laboratory (APL), Edward Reynolds admits defeat in an APL press statement:

“Given what we suspected about CONTOUR’s condition, and that we haven’t received a signal after several contact attempts, we don’t believe the spacecraft is recoverable. At this point the project will recommend to NASA that efforts to contact the spacecraft should end, and the project will formally close down,”

Other members of the CONTOUR team also gave a low-probability to hearing from the, no doubt already assimilated, rogue craft again. Of course, that’s not counting when it returns to Earth with the rest of the robot zombie army to kill us all, however NASA made no projections as to when this event may occur.

“A lot of people worked hard to build CONTOUR and prepare for this mission, and we’re deeply disappointed that it didn’t work out,” Reynolds added. “The interest in CONTOUR was remarkable; people from around the world told us how excited they were about the chance to learn more about comets than any mission had taught before. We hope this team will have another opportunity to make that happen,”

Foolishly it appears that NASA is intent on spending more human money as it has plans to create CONTOUR II: The CONTENATOR – which, if budget considerations and spacecraft mission priorities allow, could be in enemy hands by as early as 2006.

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    AFL Game.
    I think AFL would be so much better if there was only 1 pole to hit which was worth 10 points.

  • Trainee Assistant Fool
    Brilliant !

    err… will they still get points for missing like they do now?


  • Hey foo’s
    Damn nation!! – Register and log in so we know who’s making these dumbass suggestions!!