Getting out the goldo!
It’s been a long time since I was last inspired to do this but then – if they were easy to win they wouldn’t be such a highly prized honor. That’s right – We’re talking GOLD ELROY time!!
It’s been a ‘slim’ year as far as the awarding of the much desired ‘GE’ goes – with the only other award being issued way back in January. That award went to local talent Mattster for is outstanding contribution to the world of LAN Gaming action… Unfortunately it seems that the giddiness of winning the award has neutered Matthew somewhat – as he has not been able to ‘get it together’ and organize a successful LAN since. Rumor has it that he is still dining out on his award and is often heard issuing comments along the lines of “OH, so you’ve won a GOLD ELROY have you? No! I didn’t think so…” Such is the power of the ‘GE’.
But I digress – now, without further ado I present to you the latest GOLD ELROY Winnah!
The slogan for Kraft Peanut butter is “Never Oily, Never Dry” – but in the case of their “Super Crunchy” variety they should change it to “More nuts than a Star Trek convention” or “After you eat this you’ll staple your lips shut before you eat another brand!”.
From what I can discern the upper management at Kraft have either:
A) Had a team of german archeologists scouring the globe for a mystically powered, ancient artifact that has the ability to alter the humble peanut into crunchy lumps of pure ecstasy (the emotion not the pill… although…).
B) Made an unholy pact with Satan, the lord of darkness… (as opposed to any other Satan you maybe aware of)… maybe even having offered a human sacrifice or two, in exchange for the ultimate recipe for peanut butter…. or
C) After years of experimentation and research one of the boffins in the kraft laboratories, frustrated by a lack of promotion options, has bombarded peanuts with gamma radiation, creating a strain of FANTASTIC PEANUTS that have the ability to either: Stretch themselves, turn invisible, burst into flames at will or double in size, sweetness and crunchiness!!
But whatever it is that they have conjured, unearthed or developed the results are MAGNIFICENT and has won Kraft Super Crunchy Peanut Butter the first GOLD ELROY to be awarded to an inanimate object… well, as long as you don’t count Mattster!.
Footnote: While I am still in the midst of conducting my own surveys.. I believe that the consumption of this breakfast spread may increase your sexual proficiency! (Expect the phone to be off the hook for a few more days yet… Hey! – It’s all for science!!)