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I liked it so much – I bought the farm!

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I liked it so much – I bought the farm!

Working from [and living in] the high security bunker that is the e-shack™ I seldom have need to present myself for public scrutiny, which is probably best for all concerned really. However, despite the lack of a public appearance schedule, yours truly manages to keep up a rigorous personal hygiene routine. I shower, brush, scrub, delouse and floss with the best of them… however there is one aspect of, what would be considered a ‘normal’ bathroom routine, that I usual only bother with on those rare occasions where my presence out side of the e-shack™ is called for… and that’s the shaving.

Given that I’m pretty fair haired I can ‘get away’ without scraping the follicles from the e-jaw™ for a day or six without the appearance of scruffiness. Four days and it’s itchy. Six and the itch is gone, but the scruffy has arrived. 8 days and the good lady Barberella stops calling me when dinner is ready and just throws scraps at me from the office door.

But all this may have to change, as it turns out that I could very well be flirting with death as a result… but what’s worse is that I am apparently missing out on orgasms too!! >>>

Boffins at the University of Bristol, headed up by boffin wrangler Professor Shah Emrahim have discovered a link between shaving and frikkin coronary heart disease and strokes!

In the latest issue of American Journal of Epidemiology (no – really!) the aforementioned boffins state that during the course of a 20 year study involving 2,438 men (and 835 deaths!) they found that 45% of the dudes who shaved on a less than daily basis bought the farm! (In contrast only 31% of those pretty boys, who shaved daily, died)
There is also evidence that ‘the unshaven’ are less likely to be married, more likely to be blue collar workers, have fewer orgasms, are short and suffer from angina…. quite frankly it’s starting to sound like they are better off dead!

“The low frequency of orgasm in men who did not shave regularly might be because they had low levels of testosterone” says Ebrahim “or might simply reflect the fact that they were unmarried and had less opportunity for sex.”

And hows this for weird! Apparently there is a link between circulating sex hormones and beard growth, which was evidently discovered by a scruffy dude living on an island in the Hebrides. He noticed that his beard started to grow faster whenever he was a bout to make a booty call to the mainland to see his girlfriend!

Ebrahim (who has ‘single guy’ written all over him) also said that a possible explanation for the raised risk of stroke was that levels of those circulating sex hormone thingies in the body might influence the ‘atheroma process’, during which fatty deposits apparently build up in the arteries.

So it comes to this people:

no shave = no booty
no booty = no circulating sex hormone thingies
no circulating sex hormone thingies = you dead!

Or at least that’s the way I read it…. Okay everyone – Hit the showers!

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7 Comments


    “Given that I’m pretty fair haired I can ‘get away’ without scraping the follicles from the e-jawâ„¢ for a day or six without the appearance of scruffiness. Four days and it’s itchy. Six and the itch is gone, but the scruffy has arrived.”

    I hear that.

    annoys me. i mean i dont have a need to look respectable unless i am goin out

    long live unshaven nerds!

  • “long live unshaven nerds!”
    … apparently not Morgues!


  • Stu = the scruffy.

    I used to have a guru beard.

    :lol:


  • Stu’s beard = teh_bomb


  • Well the Fozzie one had 3 months growth once, never trimmed. Got a photo on my camera – suppose I shouuld finish the film sometime soon….

  • Hey muppet
    Welcome back Fozzie – long time, no see… although I suspect that this facial hair had something to do with it!
    :yuk:


  • Ew.. Will with a beard…

    I’m getting shivers.