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Easier to pronounce than Warm amble: pt 3

The alarm woke us on tuesday morning, long before the little bastards mentioned in the previous entry, could make enough racket to wake the dead.. or anyone else in Warnambool for that matter. In no time we had breakfasted up and were ready for our drive home.. but not before we paid a visit to the festival of excitement that is CHEESE WORLD!

Now, if you’re wondering what the hell the good lady Barberella and I were doing in Warrnabool (good question) then you’d better go back to where this all began.. or else – read more!

The bad food, noisy kids, visit from furious and lack of whales to watch were all behind us now. We were on the road. Destination: CHEESE WORLD!

Located in Allansford, Cheese World is a mecca for those for a taste for dairy. But little is known about Cheese World (CW) itself, so I set out to discover the true origins of this world of cheese and share them here on teh internet.

There are thousands of Cheese related products on the market today and the distribution, sale and licensing of those products MUST be approved by the Emperor of Cheese World. And while this may seem somewhat tyrannical the rules pertaining to the use of cheese and it’s related products are in place to protect the safety of the general population of the planet.
Of great concern to the people of Cheese World is the alarming number of cheese related deaths per year. With almost 60,000 people killed here in Australia alone (12 million world wide), in Cheese and Dairy related mishaps, the implementation of new laws governing the intake and use of cheese are set to come into focus as the election periods of various governments around the world approach.

Not letting these figures that I just made up scare us, the good lady Barberella and I entered the CW HQ with the delight and wonderment of a woman being dragged into a place called Cheese World by her lactose intolerant boyfriend.. And we were not disappointed!

Spellbound by the audio/video spectacular that was a television mounted on the wall in the corner of the room, displaying a documentary, which revealed the secrets of processes involved in cheese refinery, Barberella and I parted company. As my quest for all knowledge related to cheese collided with her quest to visit the gift shop!

After gaining all that there was to be gained by watching a video which featured many, many chrome vats and people wearing hair nets I made my way to the smorgasbord of available wears… and given my previously mentioned lactose intolerant condition.. I purchased none.

Thinking that all was lost and that the REAL secrets of the origin of Cheese World had been lost to all, Barberella suggested that we claim the free coffee using the voucher given to us by the girl behind the counter at our hotel and then be on our way.. little did we know that here, in the Cheese World Cafe that all the true secrets of CW would be revealed.

A mural on the wall of the cafe revealed all – here in larger ill formed characters was the tale of “Allan Quatermain and the lost city of Cheese!”.
Clearly at some point the inspiration for the H. Rider Haggard character “Allan Quatermain” had visited a region totally ruled by ruthless bovine and only using the skills and cunning that would make him famous enough to be recorded in the pages of “boys own” style adventure novels and later ripped off completely by George Lucas, did he manage to liberate the people of this small Australian country town.. which was obviously named “Allansford” in his honor.

A spectacular drive home via the Great Ocean Road, with the cool ocean breeze blowing through the open windows of the car, did little to dull the smell of cheese and cheese related products from my senses or the thrill of discovery from my heart…

Ah, cheese.. is there no oppression that you cannot, with the help of a fictional character, free us from?

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